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23rd-Mar-2008 05:12 pm - That is Life...
Animated Amanda
So I broke up with Rocky on Easter. It has been the worst Easter ever. We broke up because he is moving to a different part of Ohio to live with an old friend of his. She will be in one room and he will be in another. I can not deal with long distance relationships. I don't think I can deal with any relationships. =/

I feel my heart breaking over and over every time I talk to him. I mean I just was happy until he was like, "Yeah I am moving down with Kris in two moths to a year." I mean I was so happy. I dont know...
19th-Mar-2008 04:18 am - what is wrong with me???
Animated Amanda
I don't get it. I usually have okay dreams, but once in awhile I will have a nightmare. These nightmares tend to range from horrible to blood curdling pain. Lately I have been having the latter of the two. I mean just a couple of hours ago I had a horrible one about spiders and I woke up screaming and crying. I think I scared CJ because he is all on me now and keeps licking my face. I am shaking horribly and I can't get back to sleep. This happens a lot when I sleep. I don't know why. I really wish I did. Bah...I hate sleeping...
17th-Mar-2008 10:30 am - gummi in my brain
Animated Amanda
So, It turns out that Rocky and I are probably going to have a good relationship. Like I am trying this time to not be an obsessive girlfriend to Rocky. I got some websites to help me build my self confidence and help me to not be obsessive. It says I should plan time with him and try not to call him or jump on him online all the time. I really dont try and bother him when he is online and I dont and cant call him cause he doesnt have a phone, which is kind of a good thing because I am horrible on the phone. I did have two chances to see him in the last two weeks that were not planned, but I didnt go because I wanted to give him time to rest and some space. It says I should focus on my hobbies. So I wanted to paint yesterday but daddy took me to go see cloverfield and that was fun and I got a free Juno poster out of it! =D

I just want to do this relationship right. Rocky is wonderful and amazing. He is so cool and awesome and he can play videogames like there is no tomorrow. That is hawt...

Anyway I decided to help myself with my self esteem that I will post something positive about myself every journal post. So today's topic of meness is the fact that I am really flexible. I love that about me. I helps me work the kinks out of my back and helps me sleep better. before I was flexible I would have trouble getting comfortable let alone fitting into tight spaces. I just love it that I cant bend any way I want. <3

Anyway Devvy has made a gaming club I am in now. We plan to get together randomly (probably every saturday) and play video games. These parties are so awesome and they help me bond with my friends. I feel like I am so much closer to devvy and rocky now.

BTW! HAPPY SAINT PATRICKS DAY!
Animated Amanda

What kind of guy attracts you most? (13 profiles)
created with QuizFarm.com
You scored as Intellectual

You go for the smart cookies. Good for you. They tend to be the more reliables of male profiles and they tend to do well for themselves in the owrld we live in, however they also tend to have annying habits or trends that you may have to over look. but hey no one is completely perfect right?

Romantic/Sensitive

87%

Intellectual

87%

Gamer

83%

Funny Guy

76%

Emo/Goth

63%

Mysterious

60%

Rocker

53%

Thug/Bad Boy

50%

Clean cut/Prep

40%

The Player

40%

Country Boy

34%

Punk

20%

The Jock

17%
9th-Mar-2008 11:36 am - annoyance....
Animated Amanda
so i [b]was[/b]supposed to have a date with my friend rocky today. I was really excited except the snow feel and my over protective parents wont let me go. So now i am annoyed and kinda mad at my parents.So i guess I will have to reschedule my date...T_T
4th-Mar-2008 12:54 pm - She's so heavy....
Animated Amanda
guys tend to think of me as a sex toy. Something they can hump a few times and then they have the right to do whatever they want to me. I know this is true because...well...just look at my past relationships. I really dislike boys at the moment. I am seriously thinking about not dating anyone for like a year or so. But then again I make these promises and I suddenly turn into Fergie and fall right back into love. See the problem with that is that i give myself. I give so much of myself that i am strained to the point of becoming them. It is good and all, but the guy tends to only want me for my money (which is now gone) or sex (which is annoying the crap out of me.) I don't see the good in doing things anymore. I mean i just got out of a horrible relationship and yet i have the urge to run back to him in fear of being alone. I admit it, I can not stand to be single. I just get so lonely that I feel like all i am good for is the one thing i think is disgustingly horrid. I never wanted sex. I just kinda got pushed into it. I am not saying I am the victim here cause no one is. I am just saying i am more than just money or a body. I tend to try and wrap my spirit and soul with the gy i am with. And that tends to work for me until they do something really bad and i feel like running away.


I don't know what to do...

...I need someone in my life to love so that I can feel like i am worth something.
4th-Mar-2008 07:40 am(no subject)
Animated Amanda
So i broke up with nic and now i really know how lonely and depressed i am. I really feel like the only person in the world that gives a crap about me shares the bed with me. I really wish cj was a human. I dont care if he would be short or not well endowed. He is just so sweet to me. I am just so fucking lonely i guess. I really need to get out and have some fun....

i am going to go to sinclair for a portfolio review today. Wish me luck guys....=/
26th-Feb-2008 09:38 am - She's so heavy....
Animated Amanda
I don't know what to do. I have a million projects I don't have to do but my mom and dad are making me do them anyway due tomorrow, I am in debt badly, and I am just...spiraling out of control. I need someone to grab me and pull me back...
25th-Feb-2008 08:32 pm - Bah...
Animated Amanda
I don't know what it is lately. Maybe it is all the stress from all the commotion going on in my life (school, friends, boyfriend). I just have been on edge lately. I mainly hold back all my anger and annoyance until I get home or get comfortable. That is usually when I am alone and I can scream and cry into my pillow or poor nicholas gets the full blowup. I mean I can't be all bubbles and sunshine all the time even though I try. I just want to make everyone happy and it is killing me slowly on the inside. I mean, I don't want to go to college. I can't tell mom and dad this cause it would kill them. But all I want to do is be a house wife. Ugh I just want to curl up in my blankie and never wake up. It is so warm and comfortable in there. Bah I need to stop being emo! I mean people have had it worse than me and are still acting better than me. Oh well

Nicholas and I are so close. I mean I know what he is going to ask me before he says it. And like we are so mean to each other but in a loving way. He really does make me happy. And he is so fun to be around. Specially when he turns on his music and dances around or when his eastern accent kicks in. He is so cute when his accent kicks in.

Bah, I need to get grips on life and grow up. You can't be a kid forever...
21st-Feb-2008 09:32 am - life…
Animated Amanda
Do I attract you?
Do I repulse you with my queasy smile?
Am I too dirty?
Am I too flirty?
Do I like what you like?

I could be wholesome
I could be loathsome
I guess Im a little bit shy
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you like me without making me try?

I try to be like Grace Kelly
But all her looks were too sad
So I try a little Freddie
Ive gone identity mad!

I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you walk out the door!

How can I help it
How can I help it
How can I help what you think?
Hello my baby
Hello my baby
Putting my life on the brink
Why dont you like me
Why dont you like me
Why dont you like yourself?
Should I bend over?
Should I look older just to be put on the shelf?

I try to be like Grace Kelly
But all her looks were too sad
So I try a little Freddie
Ive gone identity mad!

I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you walk out the door!

Say what you want to satisfy yourself
But you only want what everybody else says you should want

I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you walk out the door!
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